Sunday, November 14, 2010

My husband's business is failing, give me a raise.

Have you ever decided to ask your boss for a pay raise? What exactly made you feel that an increase was in order? Perhaps you acquired new skills that provided value to your employer? Maybe you became more proficient at your job and took on added responsibilities? Perhaps you were a long-serving employee whose compensation had fallen behind market rates for similarly qualified people?

You probably thought long and hard about whether you truly deserved a raise. You probably worked extra hard to prove your worth. After deciding that you would in fact ask for a raise, you probably spent some of your free time coming up with a rational justification and/or an enticing value proposition for your employer.

To which the workers of Sand Land say: Suckaaaaaah!

Why in the hell would you put forth any more than the minimum effort at work when you could be smoking in the lobby or texting your friends using the company's mobile phone? Why in god's name would you waste your precious free time coming up with  logical talking points about why you should get a raise when you could be watching old episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV Arabia?

Live and learn, fools. Next time your paycheck ain't cuttin' it, email (or hand write) one of these handy dandy, oh-so-compelling entreaties:

1. I kindly request a raise because my husband's business is failing. And it is difficult for me to come to work on Thursday, so you please also give me Thursdays off.


3. I humbly ask you, Dear Respected Madam, to give me a raise because my wedding expenses are becoming too much. My fiance's family had asked my parents to book a new marriage hall so they can invite more relatives. I require your help to meet the expenses.

4. I moved to an apartment far away and now my transport expenses have increased, so I will be needing additional pay to cover this burden.

5. I am getting married, so you need to increase my basic salary and give me more housing allowance.

6. My wife is expecting our sixth child so I will be needing a salary increment.

7. I need to do my shopping for Eid holiday. I hereby request that you pay me double my salary for November. Government employees are getting two salaries for November, so please give this to me as well because I am a good worker. I also need you to give me all of my November pay by 9 November so I have time to do my shopping.


  1. Do like you sense of humor in your blogs. Wow real wacky way to ask for a raise which is not forthcoming here in many companies.One other way i heard being followed to get a raise is to resign your job and the employers try to dissuade you by offering a raise.

  2. Thanks for checking out the blog. Glad you enjoy it. I don't know how well the strategy of quitting in hopes of getting a raise would play out. People here seem to discuss their salaries/employment terms very openly with each other. I know if I gave someone a raise after they threatened to quit, I'd have 10 more resignations on my desk before the end of the day.

  3. I got a raise once when I threatened to quit, and less hours, but that's because I DESERVED 5X the salary I had already lol, and my employer knew it.

    It wouldn't have worked for anyone else at the company.

  4. Well Misadventure, the strategy of threatening to quit seems to work generally in engineering companies for there is a definite shortfall of qualified personnel.More ever the person pulling this stunt does not advertise that he has resigned so the co-workers are ignorant of the case !!!!

  5. @Omani Princess, I'm glad it worked for you. You are probably one of those rare people who is worth their weight in gold. There are 3 to 4 people at my company that I would try to keep at (almost) any price. But I really try to keep those people happy and well paid without them having to ask for a raise. By the time that someone has to threaten to quit, I think they're probably feeling alittle resentful that their efforts haven't been acknowledged/properly rewarded.

    @Engram, it sounds like you engineering types are a little more crafty and forward-thinking than the average person at my company. There have been people that I've specifically told "look, I'm cutting you a break because of such and such good thing you've done...please don't go tell everyone else or I won't be able to do it in the future." I've been burned everytime. :(